Monkey Butt?

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Sunday, July 05, 2009
By Yokota Fritz


Allegedly...



Apparently, "monkey butt" is what can result when you spend hours upon hours on a saddle. The phrase comes from the world of motorcycling.

Anti Monkey Butt Powder
For bicyclists, the traditional way to deal with discomfort in the "taint" is by wearing bike shorts and applying various creams and salves. With the recent emphasis on wearing non-cycling clothing, I can see a demand for powders like this "Anti Monkey Butt Powder."

Anti Monkey Butt powder is talcum powder and calamine powder (zinc oxide). It has a very mild and non-offensive fragrance that's vaguely flowery, but it's not in the least overpowering to my sensitive nose. I just poof a little bit down my pants before I go bicycling and away I go.

You can buy Anti Monkey Butt Powder online or in some stores, especially stores that cater to bikers of the motorized variety. A "Ladies'" formulation is also available.


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Comments:
I do nothin' cept keep my undercarriage clean. And wear bike shorts for long rides. And I keep saying I'll try one o' those products if I start having problems, but I have yet to need to try things.
 
A+D Ointment or generic equivalent on the chamois heads off most problems. We've had motorcyclists buy bike shorts or bike-padded undies to wear under their he-man pants to combat discomforts of the crotchal region.

Whatever works.
 
My experience with talcum powder hasn't been great. Maybe its because I spilled the container so many times ! Besides, when it interacted with water or sweat, I just formed into little crumbs.
 
...when i read "allegedly" & "apparently" at the beginning, i'm thinkin' "this ain't a good start"...

...add to that "I just poof a little bit down my pants before I go bicycling and away I go." & i'm wonderin' "WHOA, where ARE we goin' ???"...

...a light dusting of talcum powder goes on babies & in the tires, remember ???...

...& if yer butt EVER looks like that pictured monkey butt, pal, you need more n' talc...you've got problems...
 
"Allegedly" etc because when I have a problem with "down there," it's because I've been cycling without bike shorts on. 90 rpm + seams on clothing rub me raw something fierce.

Cafiend: I also know some motorcyclists who regularly wear bicycle shorts.
 
...hey, c'mon...i fully understand...

...it's why i generally wear actual cycling shorts & i tend to use "beljum budder"...nothing particularly harmful in it & the real bottom line is that even after 2, 3, 4 hours on the bike, you have to wash it off in the shower...it hasn't just disappeared along w/ your sweat, into the shorts...

..."okole stuff" works, in that it lasts also but it's petroleum based & while i like "brave soldier's" clean products, their chamois 'stuff' just breaks down too fast w/ your sweat...

...monkey butt syndrome, huh ???...sheesh...
 
Zinc Oxide is what you need: kills fungus (ew). Guess what diaper cream is based on. Put that on thinly, front, back and betwixt; finish with talc. Never put on thickly. Skin's got to breathe.

You know, I don't get why cycling shorts are so padded in the front. OK, decency I understand, but it makes the bits too warm in summer. Also, black lycra? Nothing like sweating in a garbage bag for bacterial growth. I have forsworn bike shorts and switched to merino boxers under regular shorts for all but fast rides. I find the results much better.
 
Re: light colored Lycra and no padding in front: an unfortunate gentleman at a Nordic ski area where I used to work got the nickname "Helmet Boy" because his habit of wearing a Lycra suit and no underwear left nothing in doubt.

Wool bike shorts were black no doubt to keep from showing road grime.

The early "skin shorts" were often nearly transparent even when black. It was a good incentive to ride fast so bystanders never get to confirm that they really did see your butt cleavage through your flimsy pants. Kinda gross in a crowded field in a long race, though.

Heavier Lycra helps with modesty, at least when relatively new and sturdy. Light colors can turn into a wet tee-shirt contest, though.

I lube the chamois, not my skin, because it's not my skin I want to soften.
 
From the ingredient list, it sounds like baby powder.

After researching talcum powder, I avoid it. You'll find reports like this:

"Talcum powder contains a substance similar in composition to asbestos, and some studies have linked the use of talcum powder to increased incidence of ovarian cancer. Accidentally inhaling it can lead to serious respiratory problems or even death.".

When I'm touring, I take a little bag of corn starch for this purpose. Works great!
 
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