var newbike_phrases = new Array( "is the best bicycle blog", " likes to visit Cycle Pig", "is your new bicycle", "is your friend indeed", "licked your stamps for you", "rides because life is too easy when all you have to do is push the gas pedal down and turn the heat up to the last notch on the dial", "checked the batteries on your smoke detector", "loves you", "moves your shaker", "beds your roses", "eats crow daily", "is holier than thou", "cinched your belt", "pulled your leg", "watches the grass grow", "is faithful", "is honest", "supports your endeavors", "has a good sense of humor", "is sensitive", "invented yaoi-chan", "is hooked on a feeling", "sings Hare Hare Yukai", "is your cow orker", "walks your dog in Champaign, Illinois for the holidays", "reads the newsfroups", "crossposts with glea", "is the master sockpuppet", "is a veteran of the rec.pets.cats war", "saw Bigfoot running through the woods", "saw Nessie in the lake", "trolls for newbies", "is the mythical FOAF", "is the source of all urban legends", "knows that TWIAVBP", "voracity and pendantry forever", "everyday", "is HOT HOT HOT come and let us show you what we've GOT", "tracked Mr Splashy Pants to your home", "patches KDE2 under FreeBSD", "jabs your jib", "jibs your jab", "created the emoticon :-O", "was the Matrix before the Matrix was cool", "is the mastermind of Matrix Pong", "delivers faster than Ninja Burger", "kisses away your pain", "sets goals", "asks for directions", "holds you tight when you are cold", "bones up for the exam", "enjoys your cherry pie", "pinches you to see if you are dreaming", "has so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting", "could rearrange the alphabet if you could put U and I together", "thinks you are the perfect friend", "helps the homeless", "feeds the homeless", "feeds the hungry", "is the reason our kids are ugly", "parsed your code", "pushed the walk button for you", "baked some cookies for you", "delivered your groceries", "paid for your coffee", "likes to play in the mud", "lives in the lap of luxury", "has nine lives", "wallows in the mud", "is happy playing in mud", "is a domesticated ungulate", "has a thick body, short legs and coarse hair", "is majestic", "treats you as an equal", "thinks you are beautiful", "kissed your baby", "dreams of you", "helps you go full speed ahead", "makes you go faster", "cures your saddle sores", "writes poetry for you", "sent you a love letter", "wants a romantic relationship with you", "ate a candlelit dinner with you", "knows you are such a laugh", "stays cool", "smiles ear to ear", "will see you soon", "offers you the red pill and the blue pill", "seals this note with a loving kiss", "bought a donut for you", "sang a lullaby", "is always your best friend forever", "is your Facebook friend", "needs your love", "does your sag support", "donated to your charity ride", "lovingly cleansed and bandaged your road rash", "washed your bike shorts", "spanks your ham", "applied your chamois cream", "bought you a new helmet", "fixed your cable modem", "is the title sponsor for your team", "created a fan website about you", "blogs about you", "does not sleep", "showered with you", "walked your dog", "changed your cat litter box", "does the Numa Numa dance", "saved Toby", "KISS YOU", "invites you to Turkey I can invite She can stay my home", "invented the dancing baby", "wrote Romeo and Juliet", "is the secret author of Hamlet", "is your domestique", "financed Google's startup", "can ride with no handlebars", "touched your downtube shifter", "tuned your derailleur", "oiled your chain", "base belong to us", "is badder than Chuck Norris", "named your children Oranjelo", "named a child after you", "wants to bear your children", "polished your bike", "washed your jersey", "gave your bicycle a free tuneup", "has a new hat for you", "has a ripe banana just for you", "invites you to Vampires and Slayers", "bought you a Slurpee", "wants your vote", "clicked your LinkedIn profile", "Rick Rolled you", "says you are cute", "rode a bike to your home to say hello", "will climb the highest mountain for you", "will swim the deepest ocean for you", "will cross the hottest desert for you", "says you are hot", "tells friends you are amazing", "will alwasy be loyal to you", "gave you coffee money", "touched your knee", "looks at the same moon that you do at night", "misses you", "wishes you were here", "longs for you", "arranged some roses for you", "sent roses to the wrong house", "climbs mountains in the big ring", "has grease repellant skin", "shaves your legs for you", "shaves with a dry razor", "is downhill champ of the universe", " rides with the real man saddle", "knows drillium is the next big thing", "will be your wingman anytime", "took a bullet for you", "has carbon fiber legs", "rides a tricycle", "sleeps on the bicycle trainer", "has cleats surgically implanted directly into the feet", "serenaded you", "needs love sweet love", "wants to be with you", "is your ever burning flame of desire", "opened the door for you", "rides a bike to work", "gave you a new bicycle", "is strong", "accepts responsbility", "loves family", "loves children", "loves puppy dogs", "loves cute kittens", "does not gossip", "is your role model", "fixed your bike", "fixed your flat tire", "gives you good advice", "thinks you are wonderful", "loves the way you smell", "thanks you for the cookies", "loves your lasagna recipe", "will be at your place for dinner", "has a lunch date with you", "paid for your dinner", "is your better half", "is the evolution of dance", "buys organic free range garlic", "has a chicken in every pot", "is leadership for the future", "is prosperity for your family", "leads you to great things", "is your new posse", "rides", "rides fast", "rides smooth", "still owns your unwashed socks", "loves his groupies", "fanboys throw money at passing women", "watches for smug alerts", "knows what you did last night", "will make you famous", "is your viral video", "remembers the subservient chicken", "and stealth marketing are a match made in heaven", "Googles your name", "scouts for talent", "was almost famous", "is your biggest cheerleader", "moves the country forward", "brings people together", "is a big deal", "knows you are right", "knows you are good", "values your opinion", "values your company", "believes you", "believes in you", "stands to meet you", "shines on you", "speaks softly and rides a big bike", "asks not what the country can do for you", "does it all just for you", "doesn't miss a thing", "break dances to Indian music", "is a little superstar", "is never gonna give you up", "fears nothing but fear itself", "Rickrolled your friends", "never gives up", "saves you", "was the Star Wars kid", "will Jab your Jib", "will Jib your Jab", "takes a ride on your bicycle", "paid your 300 page iPhone bill", "is the Mentos to your Diet Coke", "has a crush on you", "is your secret admirer", "is Lonelygirl15", "sent you some link love", "drives your derny cycle", "organized your alleycat", "sends you sunny thoughts", "is BBF", "thinks you are some kinda hug", "brightens your world", "Asks a Ninja", "inspires greatness in you", "longs for your gentle touch", "has 7 friends", "want to Italy and bought you a shirt", "thinks life is a box of chocolates", "knows your secret identity", "likes your tulip garden", "hands you a towel", "is not smart but knows what love is", "is your secret identity", "does the best", "does whatever you say", "is a round peg in a round hole", "loves playing ping pong with the Flexolite ping pong paddle", "can run like the the wind blow", "watched your birth", "delivered your baby", "crafted the first bumper sticker", "was green before green was cool", "is a square peg in a square hole", "makes it all work", "thinks you are a champion", "invented toothpicks", "built the rings of Saturn with toothpicks", "constructed the Great Wall of China out of toothpicks", "has a toothpick bicycle", "has a future with you", "stares longingly into your eyes", "strokes your hair", "smiles suggestively", "winked at you", "casually touched your elbow", "chats with you online", "plays footsies with you", "drives a schoolbus", "can be seen from the moon", "can be heard in space", "protects you from bad things", "tells everbody you are cute", "respects you", "respects you in the morning", "cooks breakfast for you", "makes breakfast for you in bed", "is your superhero", "is a Hero", "has one red paperclip", "wants to marry you", "gave you a hanky", "folded your laundry", "baked you a muffin", "painted your house", "owes you a favor", "wants world peace", "is your antidepressant", "is better than coffee", "is more powerful than drugs", "truly cares in 366 ways", "really truly cares about you", "keeps it real", "wants a bicycle in every home", "knows we can do better", "is for people", "puts people first", "puts bicycles first", "knows you are a winner", "does as you say", "is a no brainer", "says so", "gets what you want", "is the silver bullet", "is entitled to your opinion", "is a good offense", "proves the pen mighter than the sword", "thinks about it", "agrees to disagree", "jangles your jingle", "reads lips", "is not a crook", "is not now nor has ever been a member of the Communist Party", "is the new black", "has bike, will travel", "is a team player", "Got Milk", "Got Rice", "will work for food", "voted for you", "gets the job done", "screams for ice cream", "saved your life", "rescued you from certain death", "rescued you from a dead end job", "picked you for the job", "accepted your job offer", "will work for bike gear", "will work for bike porn", "mimes memes", "urgently requests a business relationship", "reads Nigerian scam letters", "flies first class", "accomplishes your goals", "enables your bad habits", "aids and abets your friends", "tatoos your face on every body part", "balances life with work", "is a true rags to riches story", "will change everything", "is in a maze of twisty passages with you", "says 'Xyzzy'", "hears a hollow voice says plugh", "rubs the electric lamp", "fights the huge green fierce snake", "pines for the fjords", "runs from the grue", "hears a hollow voice", "grants all wishes", "cashed your checks", "is not the little man behind the curtain", "is TIME magazine man of the year", "invited you to the party", "cons the con man", "is smarter than the average blogger", "feels your pain", "gave you the keys to the house" ); function isyournewbike(myname) { newbike_size = newbike_phrases.length; which_bike = Math.floor(Math.random() * newbike_size) document.writeln(myname + " " + newbike_phrases[which_bike]); }