Colorado bike news

There’s some big bicycle news coming out of Colorado.

I’m thinking, of course, of Colorado Republican Dan Maes, who claims Denver’s push for bicycling is part of a sinister, one-world-government United Nations plot to take over the United States.

Maes said in a later interview that he once thought the mayor’s efforts to promote cycling and other environmental initiatives were harmless and well-meaning. Now he realizes “that’s exactly the attitude they want you to have.”

“This is bigger than it looks like on the surface, and it could threaten our personal freedoms,” Maes said.

“These aren’t just warm, fuzzy ideas from the mayor. These are very specific strategies that are dictated to us by this United Nations program that mayors have signed on to.”

Cyclists around the country, in the meantime, responded with, “Dan, get a clue. You’ve been inhaling too many automotive fumes.” Biking In LA, in the meantime, admits his part in this awful conspiracy.

More -> Denver Post: Bike agenda spins cities toward U.N. control, Maes warns.

There was also big news about a professional bicycle stage race that will take place in Colorado next year. Lance Armstrong appeared with Colorado Governor Bill Ritter at the state capital this morning to announce the Quiznos Pro Challenge for August 22-28, 2011. While the exact route hasn’t been determined yet, organizers said the seven day stage race will include a mix of mountains, sprint, and downtown city stages. Likely stage cities will include Denver, Boulder and other Front Range cities, as well as a mix of towns in the Rocky Mountains, says Armstrong.

When it comes to the bike race map, I vote for bypassing Black Hawk completely.

Medalist Sports, which organizes the Amgen Tour of California, will also be behind the Quiznos Pro Challenge race in Colorado.

Davis Phinney, the reigning champ of the old Coors Classic stage race, showed up at the event. When Armstrong joked that “comebacks are harder than people think,” Phinney shot back, “But I have a son.” Davis Phinney’s son Taylor Phinney is a world champion track cyclist who currently races for the Trek-Livestrong development team.

This bike race is a cleverly disguised wave in the communist / socialist / atheist / godless plan to invade Amerika. Everybody knows bike racers are all liberal Europeans with an agenda to subvert American ideals. Dan Maes (you know, the guy who thinks bikes are part of an evil globalist New World Order conspiracy) is running for governor, as is anti-immigration firebrand Tom Tancredo under the Christianist American Constitution Party. If either of these win, there’s no word on what lawsuits they’ll file against the US State Department to prevent the entry into Colorado of all of those foreign skinny bike racers from Europe next August. The campaign offices of Maes and Tancredo did not respond when I asked if they planned to call out the National Guard to prevent entry into the state of European cycling subversive agents next August.


  1. Obama – “SOCIALISM”
    Health Care Reform – “SOCIALISM”
    Finance Reform – “SOCIALISM”
    Bike Path – “Hmm… umm… let's see… oh yeah… SOCIALISM”

  2. =v= Awesomest bike headline in a long time. (Psst: Meet me back at the black helicopter heliport after the Velorution. Don't forget your clipless jackboots.)

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