I had a lovely commute this morning sitting in traffic in my climate controlled minivan. I thought I’d share the wonderful drive I had.
I did have a couple of ‘interesting’ interactions today; I’m so glad I was sealed up safely in my car!
The first incident
I was stopped at a red light when a homeless freak apparently thought I was going to give him some spare change. I couldn’t believe it when he stretched his hand toward me! I hit the gas as soon as the light turned green and ‘accidentally’ clipped the weirdo – I saw him spin around in my rear-view mirror and crack his head on the curb.
A few minutes later the radio traffic report mentioned a hit and run at that very same intersection. Some maniac apparently sent a pedestrian to the hospital. I’m so glad I was able to speed away before the crazy driver got there.
The Second Incident
As I pulled into the office parking lot, a dummy on a bike got right in my way in the lane! I can’t believe how stupid some of these cyclists are. I honked to let him know that he needs to get over to the curb so I can pass and he flipped me off! They talk about sharing the road but don’t know the first thing about sharing. He forced me to swerve around him so I threw my McGriddle at him through the window because he needs to get the message that he should be a more careful cyclist.
Thinking about these guys (and more commonly now women! Some of them even wear skirts!) really makes me upset. I just need to remember all of the advantages of driving alone to work. I avoid people and other undesirable elements. I feel free in my car. I listen to music and the news. I don’t get cold in the winter, I don’t get wet in the rain, I don’t get hot in the summer. I’m free to come and go as I please, and I can haul as much stuff as I like in the back of the car. I can pretend to be James Bond when I hit the road and open up.
What are some wonderful adventures you have in your daily car commute?
One hand holding my cell phone, the other my Steaming hot Venti Latte, steering with my knees, about to make a right turn when I notice that some fanatic eco-head lady is riding a bike through the intersection, blocking me… I had to slam on the brakes, spilling hot latte all over my slacks. But at least I'm not getting all sweaty riding a bike. What a fool.
That was you?
…you big april fooler !!!..you a few of 'em in today, huh ???…
I knew I recognized the guy in the minivan trying to kill me this morning! :} Were you REALLY wearing those oh-so-stylish mini-van knickers for your drive?
BTW: The McGriddle tasted good. I was hungry. Thanks.
Next time, throw the coffee! It is really hot! I am off to do donuts with my Camero in the school parking lot!
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